Why you should remain married

Marriage is a hallowed relationship ordained by God. Two people who love each other make a vow to remain together for life. It is a huge step in a person’s life that should not be toiled with.

Marriage is the bedrock of the human civilization and the institution upon which the continuation of the human race lies.  Because of this important reason, it ought to receive the greatest attention it deserves, but this is not the case presently.

The percentage of successful marriages to failed ones, are unbelievable. I do not need to bore you with the actual figures but believe you me it is a source of worry for every progressive person. Hence something must be done to arrest this deteriorating state of affairs. To achieve this and arrest the impunity with which marriages crash nowadays, a case for lasting marriage has to be made.

The following subheadings will enable us to do just that and prove that remaining married is non negotiable. Marriage is a blessing, marriage creates synergy, and marriage is for companionship, it curbs various social vices, it is for procreation, and it is a platform for nurturing excellent children. It helps in the creation of order in the society and builds role models and better citizens. 

Marriage is a blessing

From the religious point of view finding a wife is a good thing as the man is said to obtain favour from God. A blessing is the conferring of prosperity or happiness. Marriage is what will confer prosperity and happiness to the couple.

Marriage creates Synergy

Couples work together in all spheres of endeavour to create a better lifestyle and a paradise on earth in their home. Couples give each other both emotional and financial support.

Marriage is for companionship

There is no doubt that Man cannot live alone hence a companion in the person of a woman is great compliment to the man on this planet. Couples give each other wise counsel, a listening ear, warmth in bed, play together and create a bond that makes it difficult for them to be apart.

It curbs social vice

Parents are the greatest examples for their children, so it is appropriate for them to model excellent relationships.  If they do so, many social vice such as senseless killings, murders, prostitution, homosexuality, cheating, stealing, broken homes, corruption, bad government etc, can be reduced to the barest minimum.

You may be wondering how all those vices listed above, can be stopped totally or reduced by marriage. The answer is that children will grow up one day to be fathers and mothers. If they grow up in dysfunctional homes, then the society will be afflicted with the pains they carry in their hearts leading to wrong doing.

It is for Procreation

Marriage is for the procreation of the human race on this earth. Without marriage mankind will soon be extinct. This is the most important reason for Mans existence amongst other equally vital reasons. Hence, the home must be conducive for this very important task to go on unhindered.

It is a platform for nurturing excellent children

Without marriage I doubt if balanced well behaved children can be brought up.  It is in a marriage setting, that care, love, discipline and moulding of children can better be carried out.  

It creates order in the society

Behaviour of the adult population in a society can be measured by the kind of marriages it has. Marriages ensure that the highest levels of moral standards are maintained by couples.  Thus creating a stable and orderly society where Law abiding and morally sound adults hold each other accountable.

Marriage builds role models and better citizens

Role models can only emerge from secure homes. Stable homes are happy homes which arise from happy marriages and breed better citizens. Happy marriages therefore create role models and better citizens. To multiply role models and better citizens in our communities multiply happy marriages.

From the above, we can see clearly how inextricable, prosperity on all fronts is tied to marriage. Let’s strengthen the institution to create happiness and prosperity in our lives.

Stubborn hope

All human beings have hopes and dreams. We all aspire to have a better life, be healthy and strong, look attractive, die fulfilled and go to heaven for religious people or attain a certain height of near perfection for some other religions. Whereas being stubborn can be defined as unyielding, holding tenaciously, immovable.

What roles do goals play in our lives?

We all have goals that matter to us. We all have dreams which are just dreams. You draw a line between a dream and a goal simply by determining what you will give to achieve your goal. Ask yourself this, what rigours are you ready to bear to see your ambition crystallize?

Dreams are intangible phenomenon which can become concrete when you plan your aspirations around them and take determined steps to make them real.

You can make your dreams real

It is you alone that can make any dream you have to come alive. You do this, by taking huge challenges that make you question your natural abilities to actualize them.

Let us consider two goals; the first is that you have a goal of winning a very attractive woman and marrying her but you are not handsome, rich and tall.

While the second goal is to break the Olympic record in 100 meters dash, but you are naturally not well endowed to do this because you lack requisite track and field experience.

In both cases your inadequacies will loom large. But if you have a stubborn hope created by the audacious mentality, you can achieve both goals. How? Your belief gives you the strength to go all out to pursue both goals intelligently.

For the first goal, you will do all within your power to acquire  effective communication skills, learn etiquette and ways of becoming attractive to a woman, learn how to speak with conviction, be able to paint a picture of a preferable future, develop enthusiasm, become charismatic and persist until the lady says yes to your proposals.

In the same vain, an Olympic gold medal hope requires rigorous training coupled with several competitions to prepare you for the race. You must be both mentally and physically prepared, hire a first class coach, practice until you become a local champion, represent your locality, move on to competing in your state, win and qualify to represent your country at the Olympics.   

In both cases, the discipline to stay focused on the end point, demands great resilience in the face of near insurmountable obstacles. Your stubborn faith sets your courage level to a pinnacle where nothing is impossible for you anymore, though most people will see you as presumptuous.

Mental rehearsal

What do you see? If you envisioned success, be rest assured that you will get it because audacity drives you to the point where your determination to achieve the goals you set for yourself, and prove people that believed you bit off more than you could chew wrong.  But more importantly you owe it to yourself to breast that tape.

This unshaken belief is the stubborn spirit. With this spirit your hope can indeed become reality.  

SPEECH DELIVERY METHODOLOGY

Delivery method.

There are various techniques of delivering a speech. As a beginner it is  advisable to use the K.IS.S method. This mean you should keep it short and simple.

Follow a simple method of delivery. List your major points on a sheet of paper and follow it step by step till conclusion. Open with an introduction build on this by taking the points you covered in the introduction as the body of the speech and end with a conclusion that restates all you talked about. This method will ensure you do not get lost in the middle of your speech. However when you become better you can adopt other methods which I will not treat in this write up which is purely introductory.

How to start

Start with humour to put a little flavour in your talk. Make the audience laugh to loosen them up and warm up to you. You can ask questions to shock your audience and get them ready to listen to you with rapt attention. You can also draw their mind to something you all share in common, like the apprehension you felt the first day you drove a car or spoke to that lady you later married etc.

How to end your speech

Let your ending be memorable. It may be a simple question, a call to action, appeal to their conscience, or just a restatement of a fact.

Containing fear

The only thing that can reduce the effectiveness of your speech is fear. Ensure you create an attitude of fearlessness when you face the audience.  Banish the fear that you are not worthy to be heard by imagining you are the postman delivering a letter that would change their life for the better.

Just deliver the letter (speech) and receive a thank you (applause or a standing ovation) thereafter and enjoy the moment.

Suggestion

What ever you may be feeling, please understand that every human being fears something they have never done before. Even for those that have delivered a speech before, there is usually that increased pumping of the heart as you are announced. There is a rush of adrenalin into your nerves to create the push you need to launch into action be it fight or flight. Please note that it is a natural way of your body preparing you for the occasion. Please manage this extra energy well by either running to the stage or taking ten quick deep breaths to calm your nerves before you get to the lectern. 

It is important that you start with a relaxed mind so that every other part of the show will be a success. Don’t take yourself too seriously and become overtly self conscious.

Believe you have something worth hearing, deliver that speech with gusto and receive the applause you deserve for a job well done. When this happens don’t just stand there smile and take a bow before leaving the stage.

Determination

What is determination?

Determination means; resolve, strength of mind, will power, firmness of purpose, it is a choice you make, a firm judgment. Once you have made up your mind to pursue a goal, you pass from a threshold of uncertainty to certainty. Your mind, mental abilities and the God factor kick in to help you stay focused on that goal.

Made up mind

A mind that is made up has boundless energy that propels it to continue on that chosen part because only the end result of the pursuit will satisfy it.  A determined person will go through fire and storm of life to achieve their goals. 

Let us illustrate this firm resolve with the example used in the article titled “Stubborn hope” where a goal of winning a 100 meters dash Olympic gold medal goal was set. Having set the goal, hours of practice with an expert coach will become your lifestyle. You must wake up to the track and field day in day out. You must stay with practice until your desire moves from a mere wish to a concrete pursuit which gradually becomes achievable as you continue to practice, enter for smaller competitions, win them and gradually increase the stakes. Enter for your local competition then the state then represent your state move to your represent your country. As you go through all these phases and keep wining, doubt is replaced by various victories and trophies you won with certainty. With huge experience, great faith rises within you that you can enter for the competition and win it.   

To be able to go through the rigours of practice, the pains and deprivation of social life, and all the stress with the goal in sight, takes a made up mind.

Unstoppable

That is what determination can do for you in any endeavour you engage in this life. A part of the winning mentality is pure and simple the power of sticking to your goal until it is realized.

Nothing can stop a determined soul. You have become one with your goal so much that it takes on the colour of an obsession. You cannot rest until you reach your predetermined end point.

You are unstoppable because you have chosen to give whatever you are pursuing the very best you have got. You will soon become excellent at that which you have set out to conquer because of the power of determination.   

Now that you know this, make determination your friend and most of your life’s goals will become achievable.

Learning to take responsibility for your own behaviour

Who is to blame for your condition in life today? Most people find it easy to lay the blame on others. But the true answer to the above question is that "you" are responsible for your progress or lack of it in your life. I shall attempt to establish, reasons why most people put the blame of their current state in life on others rather than themselves. I shall proffer solutions, that will enable you make changes that are capable of transforming your life. I shall treat this topic by analysing the following sub-headings: shifting blame, unfair treatment, being unprepared for lives challenges, ill luck, attitude, choices and burning your bridge.

Shifting blame

It is human nature to shift the blame, rather than accept responsibility for anything that is not working.

The greatest flaws of most human beings show up when they are faced with challenges in life. They would find excuses, rather than deal with the reality on ground or tackle any challenge they may be facing head on. You can hear the blame game all around, no matter in which part of the world you reside.

As a remedy to this problem, understand that any challenge you are saddled with, also has a positive side to it, and it is your choice to find it or learn to live with the burden. So quit the blame game and leap forward into a better life by recognizing this truth and taking corrective action.

Unfair treatment

In all societies, people suffer from being unfairly treated, everyday. However, I wish to assert that you may have more cases of this condition, in the least developed countries. Some people may be treated unfairly for no fault of theirs. I will illustrate what I mean. Consider a case where two people who are equally gifted academically, are attending a Job interview to fill one available vacancy. Now for no fault of either of them or their interviewer, one of them will be preferred to the other due to some subjective reasons by the interviewer. Hence, no matter how well mannered and articulate they both are, one of them will obtain a higher score and favoured over the other to secure that job. Even in the Bible, for people that are familiar with the story, the Almighty God favoured Jacob over Esau.

It is natural that sometimes, life deals you a hand which you do not expect and are treated unfairly. When this happens, do not blame anyone. Your response, to this situation is to become more determined to succeed. Just dig into your inner self and activate the resilient nature lying dormant in you, and keep pushing forward until you achieve your aim.

Unprepared for lives challenges

Most people suffer from this Malady, of being ill prepared for lives challenges. They are unprepared for whatever lies ahead of them. They leave everything about their lives, to chance. They prefer to leave things to probabilities, than to plan ahead for challenges and tackle them by superior actions. This behaviour may be ascribed to slackness, carelessness and irresponsibility on that person's part. The remedy for this problem, is to aspire to change this condition by getting a good deal of information and education in the identified area, and taking action by planning and setting goals for your life.

Ill luck

People may argue that there is nothing like ill luck, but in developing countries, this phenomenon seems to be taken out of proportion, and proffered as plausible reasons for most people's failure to amount to anything great in life.

Daily, bad things seems to stalk some people, as all you hear from or about them, is one sad tale after another throughout the year. Irrespective of the ill luck factor, you can rise above this to live a better life, if you maintain a positive attitude to life. Remain optimistic and seek to create a change for a better day wherever you find yourself for therein lies hope for creating a better tomorrow.

Attitude

Norman Vincent Peale in his book "The Power of Positive Thinking" quoting Dr. Karl Menninger a famous psychiatrist said "Attitudes are more important than facts". The renowned Author, deduced that this quotation literally meant that "no matter the enormity of anything you face in life, what is vital is your attitude towards that situation or thing". The above quotation, presupposes that you should have control over your emotions. It is in your power to choose to be sad, cheerful or gloomy. Your attitude has a way of reducing any obstacle to size. If I may borrow this over used cliché, which says that some people describe "a glass of water as either half full or half empty" depending on their disposition to life, become an incurable optimist.

Your attitude is so vital to your success or failure, indeed "your attitude ultimately determines your altitude or how high you climb in life". I suggest that you should examine your attitude to life generally, and change areas that are not encouraging before blaming others as obstacles to your success.

Choices

The choice you make in life is also very essential to your becoming a success or a failure. Watch the choices you make which are merely answers to questions you ask yourself. Therefore decide to ask yourself quality, challenging and bold questions and see yourself move ahead in life. For instance, you can ask yourself this: "Can't I achieve more than I have now?" "Is the best I can do?" "Are people succeeding in their ventures better than me?" Are the successful people living a life of their dreams, doing some things differently from me?"

It is when you ask some crucial questions, that your mind is engaged to find solutions to them. In life the choices you make determines the steps you take, which in turn indicates where you are or people you associate with and or what you become.

So change your associates if you discover that they are not creating remarkable impact in your life. Deliberately, take bold calculated goal driven actions as answers to above questions so that your life can be transformed.

Burn your bridge

Burning your bridge is a military strategy, utilised to motivate soldiers to give over a hundred percent strength to win a battle. You can apply this tactics in your life, by engaging in demanding tasks, which will stretch your power of imagination in an unlimited manner. Please realize that the human mind has the ability to withstand any form of test you pose for it. So ask yourself this question - Do you take up tasking duties or uncomplicated ones?

If your answer to that question is the later, simply change the answer to the former. Be ready to take risks, and have the courage to continue on the part you chose, irrespective of obstacles you may face along the way. Know that obstacles, normally give way to persistence over time.

It is an established fact that when you burn your bridge, being trapped, sends impulses to your brain to release latent energy, which are only supplied in times of danger to get you clear of such danger. Apply this method amongst the others I discussed rather than blame people for your failure. I advise you to burn your bridge to stimulate your sleeping creativity to wake up.

Conclusion

Make up your mind, to find the exact answers for the circumstances you are going through today. To do this, ask accurate questions and give exact answers which will shape the plans you make. It is the execution of those good plans, which will lift you out of whatever deplorable condition you may be facing today.

I advise you to take personal responsibility for your life. You must do it for yourself because no one will do it for you. Please quit the blame game, and take action towards creating a better life today, for it is available to only those who desire it, and are willing to do all it takes to get it.

The ball is in your court, be a renowned player.

Steps to make your goals reality

Introduction

Goals can be set in virtually all aspects of our lives. You can set spiritual, educational, financial and marriage goals. The lists are endless but our discussion will centre on how you can set realistic goals, pursue and achieve them. Setting goals are deliberate efforts by individuals to channel their energy towards achieving specific goals in chosen areas of their lives. I shall begin by describing what goal setting is, explore the S.M.A.R.T way of setting goals, talk about how commitment helps in ensuring success of your goals and give you suggestions of how to accomplish your goals and finally leave you with a few thoughts about goal setting. Let us begin.

* So what is goal setting?

I describe goal setting as writing a list of things you desire to achieve on a paper, with a step by step method for carrying them out coupled with a completion date, clearly stating when you hope to achieve the goals.
We set goals daily and make plans because of the limited resource called time. Time is equal for everyone on this planet and except you use it creatively, you will lag behind those that know how to maximise it.
To tackle time wastage and maximise its use, we must set goals and make plans to actualise them. There is a simple process of goal setting which is widely accepted and used all over the world. It is captured in this acronym "S.M.A.R.T" which stands for Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and Time bound. With the aid of "S.M.A.R.T" and one outside this list called "Commitment" there is virtually nothing you cannot achieve.
I shall discuss them one after the other below.

* Specific

A goal must be specific and not vague. What you plan to pursue must be very clear to you or else you will not realize when you achieve it or reach your destination. I will illustrate this by a simple goal of someone that wants to buy a television set. "I want to buy a Television set" This goal is vague and does not qualify as a well set goal. Why do I say this? The reason is that there is no specific type of television mentioned here, no brand, no size or specific time to buy the television is stated. But if I wrote the following instead as a goal, "I want to buy a 24 inches, Sony flat screen Liquid Crystal Display (LCD) coloured television between January and March 2008" it will be accepted as a good goal. The specification of the size, brand, type and time to purchase it will enable me plan for its actual purchase.

* Measurable

A goal must be measurable. You must be able to calculate the time and resources required for the attainment of the goal and ensure they are well deplored. You must be able to measure properly the progress towards the eventual achievement of the set goal. Measuring will enable you to correct your plans if you discover that you may not reach your goal at the pace you were going. I will use a simple goal of saving 1,000 dollars in one month to clarify this point. To achieve this target, you must be able to determine the source of earning this money, your capacity to earn this money, and determine the task to perform within the specified time.

* Achievable

Is the goal achievable or just a wish list of things you know you may not be able to achieve? Have you thought about it carefully and weighed the resources and the potential you have to actualise this goal? What can possibly hinder you from achieving this goal? Answering those questions will enable you to have a clear list of perceived setbacks, to keep you prepared to handle them if and when they eventually occur. It helps to ensure you are not overwhelmed by the pursuit of the goal.

* Realistic

Are the goals realistic or outright unachievable? Here you must ensure that the goals are not just mere dreams or things you know are not possible to realise at the particular time frame you are allotting to them. For instance it will appear outright unrealistic to expect a baby in December from a couple who just got married in September if the woman was not six months pregnant before the marriage. This is not realistic. You must therefore set goals in the ambit of practicality.

* Time boundary

Your goals must have time boundary or else you will not see the need to pursue them diligently. Setting a time limit for each goal makes their pursuit and achievement more definite. Setting a time frame helps to spur you into action. You can also manage the goal attainment by breaking it down into small bits or into daily, weekly monthly, quarterly half yearly or yearly quantity. Then, depending on the length of expected time for their achievement, you may categorize them into short term, middle or long term goals.

* Commitment

Commitment is so Key in goal setting and goal attainment. It is the unseen hand that weaves all the aspects of goal setting for actual performance. The commitment to do is the greatest factor that can make a goal possible or unachievable if every other factor is in their right places. It is a personal choice you must make to work hard and ensure your goals are realized.

To accomplish your goals follow these suggestions:

a) believe you can achieve the goal
b) visualize the completion of the goal before the project begins
c) divide the goals into manageable bits
d) set milestones and give yourself a treat each time you meet a target
d) have the mindset of a finisher and not a quitter.

* Closing thoughts

I shall close by leaving you with these thoughts:
* Goals can be set in virtually all aspects of our lives.
* Goals can be broken down into small bits and pieces to make them less burdensome
* Goal setting is easy and not as cumbersome as most people imagine
* Setting goals help us stay focused and make our lives less chaotic.

I urge every one to imbibe the habit of setting goals. You must realise that the goals you set, shapes the plans you make. These plans in turn influence the actions you take. These actions lead to the achievement of results. It is these results that bring success to us and ultimate fulfilment in life. Therefore, to live a better life set worthwhile goals.

Understanding the journey of self discovery

Are you helpless?

It is pathetic to hear fellow human beings cry out despondently that they are helpless. Can this pronouncement you made really be accurate. Now take a good look at yourself in the mirror. What do you see? Do you see a helpless wimp? Or do you see a person capable of pursuing his own destiny and winning in life. My task in this article is to go ahead to unravel the total package of that person in the mirror right away.

*What label have you placed on yourself?

The act of putting a label on something for instance is to differentiate it from others in the same category and enhance its worth. So I ask you, what are you worth? Can you accurately answer that question and assess your true value? Let me begin to give you an idea of your real worth. You are blessed with two legs, arms, ears and eyes, a great brain and a mouth.

* Analysis of your personal assets

Let us analyse how powerful those assets are to any human being. On this earth you need your two legs and arms to move about, this means you are not hindered. Your eyes function perfectly which shows you are not blind. You have a head and a mouth. Inside your head is a brain which has been confirmed to be more powerful than the most sophisticated super computer ever manufactured on this planet. It is common knowledge that most people regarded as geniuses utilize less than ten percent (10%) of their brain power. With your mind, you have the perfect equipment to create anything you desire. Your imagination enables you to travel to any place you desire without paying a dime. You have the capacity to say whatever you wish with your mouth and you are capable of influencing a vast majority of people packed in a massive theatre just to hear you speak or sing. You can express your wildest wishes and they are carried out which shows you are not dumb or ineffectual.

* Results of your personal assets analysis

Having analysed the awesome power you carry, you will begin to see your body in a new light. My friend that body you have is so magnificent, so powerful and carefully and wonderfully crafted by the creator of the universe and certified as excellent. Your personal value is immeasurable.

* You were crafted with care and excellence

The creator made you after his own likeness. Do you know the import of that word “likeness”? It means you are like God and so you ought to think, act and speak like God. If you believe that, then you ought not to be limited by anything or circumstances on this planet. If you are “like” God that means you are god. Let us demonstrate my claims. A dog gives birth to a dog, a lion gives birth to a lion hence God cannot but be the father of a "god". Hence you have his attributes and nature and thus become a co-creator with him on this planet. Your comprehension of that simple conclusion should encourage you to take that bold step, that action towards pursuing your unique purpose on this earth.

*Take your rightful place now.

I urge you to begin to take your rightful place in the affairs of men. Just find your unique assignment and pursue it with vigour similar to a laser beam which when focused can cut a bar of iron in two. Friend, you are not helpless you are more than you can readily comprehend. Believe this and new windows of opportunities opens up to you, as your brain which was shut down before opens up and light floods in to chase away the shadows of self doubt and self defeatism to assume the role of a conqueror.

You are not helpless please stand up to take your rightful place. You will excel just believe you can and take action immediately.


Victor Usifo