Tuesday, January 15, 2013

CHANGE YOUR ATTITUDE AND TRANSFORM YOUR LIFE


Change your attitude and you alter your life completely. Changing your attitude will enable you create a personal life transformation. This assertion is not an empty one. How you can do that is what this write up is about.

What is attitude?

The Oxford Advanced Learners Dictionary defines attitude as: the way you think and feel about something, the way you behave towards somebody or something that shows how you think and feel, confident, sometimes aggressive behavior that shows you don’t care about other people’s opinions and that you want to do things in an individual way, a position of the body.

Three things stand out from this definition; thinking, feeling and behavior.

From the above definition, it is established that attitude is how you think, feel and behave. If you change how you think, it will affect how you feel and influence your behavior. The connection of thinking, feeling and behavior and how intertwined they are, is highlighted by the late sage Mahatma Gandhi who said;  

Keep your thoughts positive because your thoughts become your words.

Keep your words positive because your words become your behavior.

Keep your behavior positive because your behavior becomes your habits. 

Keep your habits positive because your habits become your values.

Keep your values positive because your values become your destiny.”

 
Attitude is more important than the truth


Taking it a little further Dr. Robert Schuller in his bestseller book Tough Times Never Last But Tough People Do  said quoting Dr Carl Menninger: “ attitude is more important than fact”  this literally means that how you think, feel and behave towards a fact or issue of life is far more important than whatever the issue or fact is.

Let us illustrate this truism by giving the following scenarios as examples. If a man was informed that he had lost his lives savings in the capital market due to the stock market meltdown. The usual response from a majority of people all over the world will be gloomy due to a bad mental attitude. This man would curse and throw tantrums, and bemoan his bad luck, lose faith in life and believe that fate, had dealt him the worst blow he could never recover from. He would believe that his life had come to an end and is no longer worth living. In extreme cases, he would commit suicide to end it all. 

Most of us are aware of the recent stock market burst and how many defeated victims threw themselves out of their windows to death.  This is a wrong mental attitude.

Let us look at the example of another person with a healthy mental attitude and his expected response due to a different perspective of the same bad news of loss of his savings in the stock market. He would say “It is a fact that I lost all my savings in the stock market meltdown, but I still have my wife and children that love and support me. My money may be gone, but I still have my mind and health intact. I believe with time and little luck, I shall accumulate more money and even surpass what I had lost.” How is he able to weather the storm whereas the first man lost his head?  Let’s find out.  

From both responses, it is clear that their attitude was the obvious difference in their reaction. Attitude is influenced by what both men choose to see, feel, believe and utter with their mouth. The first man saw gloom and death while the second man counted his blessings and saw challenge and an opportunity for a fresh start hoping to surpass what he had before.

Your Choice determines how you react to issues

In any circumstances you face on daily basis, you must choose how to respond. You may choose to be gloomy and negative or have a stubborn hope and be positive. Martha Washington believed that how you respond to issues or problems of life depends on your attitude. She says:   
 
  ‘I am still determined to be cheerful and happy in whatever situation I may be;
  for I have also learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness
  or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances.’
 
This belief is clearly illustrated by Opray Winfrey who says “the greatest discovery of all time is that a person can change his future by merely changing his attitude.”  

Change your life by changing your disposition

Be rest assured that choosing the positive side always takes you a little further than taking the gloomy side of the equation. You see, how high you go in life, may just depend on this choice.  Bestselling author and motivator par excellence Zig Ziglar says “attitude not aptitude determines altitude.” This literally accentuates the point that it is your thinking, behavior and not your natural ability or skill that determines how successful you become.  Adopting an attitude of unlimited possibilities in life can make you soar and surmount all temporary setbacks on your way to greatness.

In book of proverbs chapter 23v7 of the new King James version of the holy bible it says “For as he thinks in his heart so is he”.

Thinking gets you there

My question to you is how do you think?  What is your attitude towards negative facts of life that must hit even the very best of the human race?  What is your response to setbacks? How do you deal with emotional losses such as Loss of a job, a spouse, a child? How do you want to be remembered? The questions are endless.

I have always chosen to follow the footsteps lefts in the sands of time by great men and women who have gone through these same issues of life and triumphed. Accepting their words of wisdom will guide our baby steps. I will borrow these words from the possibility thinker’s creed as published by Dr. Robert Schuller in Tough Times Never Last But Tough People Do which states that:

 

“When faced with a mountain, I will not quit,

I will keep on striving until I climb over,

find a pass through, tunnel underneath,

or simply stay and turn the mountain

into a gold mine with God’s help”


You must seek to develop an unstoppable attitude to get ahead in this life. Thomas Jefferson says:

“Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude.  

Think on these things and make up your mind to develop positive outlook of lives issues that buffet us daily.

Final thoughts

I leave you with this view from Winston Churchill who says “attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference”. 

For you to create a lasting impact in whatever you have chosen to do exceptionally and transform your life radically, change your attitude which is the fuel for your quest.

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Your are the architect of your own fortune

In this world you are either successful or unsuccessful in your endeavours. There is no middle ground. You are either up or down. For those that tried and were successful it feels really good. But for many others that attempted to make a sale, build a business, manufacture a product, make a speech, get a job, build a marriage, build a relationship, trade in the stock market and failed, the experience often leaves a sour taste in the mouth.  

Those sour experiences shouldn’t mark the end of attempting to join the rank of successful people in the world because failure is not final. Please remain flexible and hopeful.

You will notice that all those events listed above were either activities, relationships, products or services. That is just what they are and no more. In most of them you did not carry out the activity alone. In some cases, it may be that the manner you presented the service or product was wrong hence you did not make a sale. Even if you want to be critical of yourself, be sure to make it a balanced one and don’t be so hard on yourself.

All I am saying is that you should not heap all the blames on yourself for the failures of those endeavours you engaged in. Others played a part too.

It is important that you keep it in mind throughout your ordeal, that the failures you suffered had nothing to do with you as a person. You are not a failure. It is only a dead person who cannot try again that can be called a failure.

I suggest you try again when the things you attempt to do fail. Never give up for you may not know if the next attempt will fetch you the prize you seek. Henry Ford a notable American Automobile manufacturer was quoted as saying “if you think you can or think you can’t you are probably right”. In other words, you hold the key to your own destiny.

In case you feel like giving up, try affirmations, visualise success and give yourself positive self talk to fire you up again to try one more time. It is an established fact, that you develop staying power by refusing to quit. You become successful to the level, you are willing to keep trying and refuse to quit.

You can only achieve the impossible if you had a clear vision, patient, courageous, persistent, enthusiastic, believed in yourself and in the help of God.

To put more energy on your stride, search for these poems titled “DON’T QUIT” and “IT COULDN’T BE DONE written by Edgar Albert Guest including another one titled “THE MAN WHO THINKS HE CAN written by an unknown author. Read them, they will inspire you to continue whenever you feel like giving up. Read them and internalize the principles, and your life will change completely.

On a final note, you must believe that you hold the key to your failure or success in this life. Let the realization of this great truth that whether you succeed or fail it is wholly up to you, fire your passion to try once more because indeed and in truth you are the architect of your own fortune.


Failure is not final


The world is made up of successful and unsuccessful people but there is a thin line between success and failure. You may not believe this assertion but the fact of life is that the most successful people are also the people that have failed the most. 

People that attempted for instance, to set up a business and failed usually put the blame on themselves. They internalise the experience, lose faith in themselves due to battered ego. Their self worth takes a beating so much they begin to see themselves as failures. Once they come to this level, they give up hope on life, mourn their disappointments and wear dejected looks on their faces.

Their battered ego, make them lose sight of their true capabilities. Also poor diagnosis of their situation, lead to wrong declaration that they are not good enough. If only they could pick themselves up to attempt that thing they failed, their story would change for the better.  

For some they give up too soon when their success is just a breath away. This failure mindset must change if they want to be counted amongst the worlds super achievers.

History is replete with men that had tried in various fields of human endeavour and failed. However, there are also some that had failed several times and finally recorded remarkable achievements. Thomas Edison was one such individual who proved that failure was not final but a stepping stone to success.

He failed nine thousand nine hundred and ninety nine (9,999) times in the experiment to create the incandescent electric bulb. History has it that when he was asked about the many times he had failed, His response was “…I have not failed. I only found Nine thousand nine hundred and ninety nine (9,999) ways that the light bulb will not work…”

Considering that the response, came from a man that had over one thousand (1,000) United States patents for various inventions in diverse fields, then you would understand why failure is not final in the life of any person.

You must agree with me that Edison’s determination culminating in various life changing inventions, made life easy for every one living in the 21st century. His patents include the dictating machine, incandescent electric bulb, phonograph, telegraph, storage battery, telephone and many other inventions.

Thomas Edison was a man that refused to quit despite all odds. A memorable quotation from him on determination explains how his mind worked. He was quoted as saying that “genius is one percent inspiration and ninety nine percent perspiration”. He had the knack to keep trying until success came his way. His life proved that no matter how many times you fail, you can succeed if you keep trying.

For many successful people, what you hear is their success stories. Do not be deceived because for each success recorded, there were equally numerous failures before the eventual single success you got to hear. It is just that the single success is celebrated whereas no one except the person’s involved remembers the number of times they had failed.

This is a wake up call for people who had tried and had given up hope. They should realize that failing was not abnormal or what they had perceived it to be. Failing is in fact a great teacher.

Cheer up! You are not a failure. You may have invested in a business and it did not work out, invested in the stock market and lost money, married and suffered divorce, made a speech and people didn’t give you a standing ovation, tried to engage a woman for a strong relationship but she turned your advances down tried to sell a product and you could not.

Learn not to make all the above catalogue of failures personal. They were just events that happened. Analyse the situation dispassionately and you will notice that you as a person did not fail. Be rest assured that failing is temporal just be resilient and the world will hear of you.

Saturday, August 27, 2011

How to overcome the fear of public speaking

 

Introduction

The greatest fear known to man second only to the fear of death is the act of speaking to an audience. Some people would rather die than attempt it. Be rest assured that once you know how to do it many doors of opportunity hitherto shut on your face, swings wide open. 

You become proficient when you practice any thing you do. You fail to try out new things because it is human nature to fear when you have no experience. To master any activity, field or endeavour, you must practice to drive away fear. Within a short time, the experience you acquired through practising will build confidence and mastery.  After which you can even be awakened in the middle of the night and still perform without blinking.  Let’s begin.

What is public speaking?

It is an art or the skill of making an audience think your thoughts. It is the God given ability to you as a leader to bring and hold followers close to you.  It is the power to persuade and hold spellbound. It is the power to sway men and lead them to do whatever you command.

How to create an attitude of fearlessness

Every human being fears something they have never done before. You fear because you take yourself too seriously. You fear because of other numerous reasons below:

*      Worrying about audience rating

You are anxious about how the audience will rate you. You are worried about what you are saying, whether you sound right, the pitch of your voice, whether the audience like you or not. 

All these are legitimate worries but to be able to deliver a good speech you must expel those negative thoughts and replace them with positive ones. Believe that the audience like you, that they see you as an expert in the subject you are giving a talk on. That they realise you are more knowledgeable in that area hence you are up there and they are part of the audience. So just face your talk.

*      Lack of knowledge of the topic

You become afraid where you attempt to talk about what you do not have much knowledge about. It is only natural that you feel overwhelmed. The solution to this problem is preparation. Know the topic in totality.

*      Lack of practice

Lack of practice will put you on the spot causing you to break out in cold sweat even when you are knowledgeable in the area you are speaking on. Your mind becomes so jumbled you will wish you never accepted the task of giving the talk.  The only cure for this malady is practice. Practice and organise your talk.

*      Memorising

When you memorize the topic, be ready for a disaster if in the middle of the talk you loose the train of thought. Never memorise your talk.  Though you can memorise some portion of your topic, it is always better to have summary of your speech. List your ideas in bullet points and practice them long enough it becomes easy to speak on each point naturally.   

*      Self criticism

When you are openly too critical of yourself as if you lack the knowledge and expertise in the topic, you set yourself up for a fall. Don’t belittle your capacity at all. Assume expert knowledge. Moreover you know enough for you to be the one speaking and your audience the ones listening.

*      Audience fright

Imagine you are talking to one person at a time. Select a face you like its appearance and address that face. At intervals pan the audience then pick that face again.

Do not be overwhelmed by the sea of heads and eyes. Most of them are on your side. They are not critical of you moreover they cannot cross over to where you are.

To reduce this fright, come early and mingle with the crowd. Pick some faces amongst them you will address when you mount the podium.  You can also run to the stage with great speed to increase blood flow in your system or take deep breath hold it and count up to ten before exhaling. Repeat this ten times as you approach the podium to dispel the rush of energy in your system.

*      Break Monotony

Speak slowly and increase your pitch and tone as you go along. Modulate your tone to show excitement, question, a pause or sadness. Let your tone and mannerism display what you are saying. Don’t just stand there to deliver a blank lifeless speech.  You are an actor. Enter into the speech and demonstrate the import of what you are saying with great zest. Deliver the speech with a blast and make it memorable for the audience.

*      Rigidity

Do not stay transfixed in a place. Do not grip the lectern as if your life depended on it. Move about slowly but not far from the audience. As you speak pan their faces. Never turn your back on them.

Cut off unusual speech mannerisms like eh, you know, that is, eh, em, umm, I mean, you know etc.  Just act naturally and do not fidget.

Conclusion

Speaking is just like any other vocation if you have the passion and the determination to become a good speaker you can. All you have to do is to practice by speaking at various occasions, birthday parties of friends, family celebrations, joining your local church assembly as a Sunday school teacher. Offer to speak for free in marriage ceremonies, prize giving day in Schools until you become better and feel less self conscious.

If you want to increase your speaking proficiency, you might consider enrolling in a finishing school or speaker’s academy like Toast Masters International for wider exposure.

Whatever you do, once you begin never quit. You will soon become better at delivering speeches and feel less self conscious if you keep practicing.

Walking by faith not by sight



The Holy bible defines “faith” as the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.  The operating words there are “substance” and “evidence”.  The hope for those things you desire will soon make them evident and you will receive them physically. 

Faith creates the manifestation of mans inner desires. So whatever you can conceive in your heart and frantically and passionately seek putting unflinching trust in God you can definitely achieve.

 Man is the express image of God and can create good or bad whatever he desires. Your imagination is a canvass for painting the explicit need and yearning of your heart. Be assured that what you can clearly paint in your mind, your subconscious mind can reproduce as reality through the help of God.

Your subconscious mind absorbs whatever your imagination paints into it. So guard your heart jealously for out of it emanates the creative genius that can provide you what you desire either good or bad.

You must understand that what you allow to be planted in your heart will grow and bear fruit good or bad. So paint your desires positively with clarity and without any shadow of doubt you will realize it in real life.

Paint fearful, negative poverty stricken evil pictures and deposit them in your heart and daily replay these films, then they will ultimately become your reality.

The law of attraction says, you attract into your life what you can vividly paint in the canvass of your heart, believe you have received, and are grateful to God for their attainment even when you are yet to receive them physically. Holding this position is faith and what you believe, you shall have without any shadow of doubt.  

So choose to create in your imagination beauty, peace, love, kindness, greatness, wealth, health, long life and good life rather than frightening images. 

Meditate daily in the early hours of the morning and last thing before you sleep at night repeating those virtues in your mind, and soon your subconscious mind will ultimately activate the realisation of what you imagine by giving you ideas to substantiate your faith.

In life, what you see with your inner eyes is what you get. If you trust in the limitless power of God which is in you, then you will have limitless possibilities.

I challenge you to believe in God and YOU will unleash his powers to work in your area of trust and specific need. 

Now that you know, put faith to test.




























Why you should remain married


Marriage is a hallowed relationship ordained by God. Two people who love each other make a vow to remain together for life. It is a huge step in a person’s life that should not be toiled with.

Marriage is the bedrock of the human civilization and the institution upon which the continuation of the human race lies.  Because of this important reason, it ought to receive the greatest attention it deserves, but this is not the case presently.

The percentage of successful marriages to failed ones, are unbelievable. I do not need to bore you with the actual figures but believe you me it is a source of worry for every progressive person. Hence something must be done to arrest this deteriorating state of affairs. To achieve this and arrest the impunity with which marriages crash nowadays, a case for lasting marriage has to be made.

The following subheadings will enable us to do just that and prove that remaining married is non negotiable. Marriage is a blessing, marriage creates synergy, and marriage is for companionship, it curbs various social vices, it is for procreation, and it is a platform for nurturing excellent children. It helps in the creation of order in the society and builds role models and better citizens. 

Marriage is a blessing
From the religious point of view finding a wife is a good thing as the man is said to obtain favour from God. A blessing is the conferring of prosperity or happiness. Marriage is what will confer prosperity and happiness to the couple.

Marriage creates Synergy
Couples work together in all spheres of endeavour to create a better lifestyle and a paradise on earth in their home. Couples give each other both emotional and financial support.

Marriage is for companionship
There is no doubt that Man cannot live alone hence a companion in the person of a woman is great compliment to the man on this planet. Couples give each other wise counsel, a listening ear, warmth in bed, play together and create a bond that makes it difficult for them to be apart.

It curbs social vice
Parents are the greatest examples for their children, so it is appropriate for them to model excellent relationships.  If they do so, many social vice such as senseless killings, murders, prostitution, homosexuality, cheating, stealing, broken homes, corruption, bad government etc, can be reduced to the barest minimum.

You may be wondering how all those vices listed above, can be stopped totally or reduced by marriage. The answer is that children will grow up one day to be fathers and mothers. If they grow up in dysfunctional homes, then the society will be afflicted with the pains they carry in their hearts leading to wrong doing.

It is for Procreation
Marriage is for the procreation of the human race on this earth. Without marriage mankind will soon be extinct. This is the most important reason for Mans existence amongst other equally vital reasons. Hence, the home must be conducive for this very important task to go on unhindered.

It is a platform for nurturing excellent children
Without marriage I doubt if balanced well behaved children can be brought up.  It is in a marriage setting, that care, love, discipline and moulding of children can better be carried out.  

It creates order in the society
Behaviour of the adult population in a society can be measured by the kind of marriages it has. Marriages ensure that the highest levels of moral standards are maintained by couples.  Thus creating a stable and orderly society where Law abiding and morally sound adults hold each other accountable.

Marriage builds role models and better citizens
Role models can only emerge from secure homes. Stable homes are happy homes which arise from happy marriages and breed better citizens. Happy marriages therefore create role models and better citizens. To multiply role models and better citizens in our communities multiply happy marriages.

From the above, we can see clearly how inextricable, prosperity on all fronts is tied to marriage. Let’s strengthen the institution to create happiness and prosperity in our lives.








Stubborn hope


All human beings have hopes and dreams. We all aspire to have a better life, be healthy and strong, look attractive, die fulfilled and go to heaven for religious people or attain a certain height of near perfection for some other religions. Whereas being stubborn can be defined as unyielding, holding tenaciously, immovable.

What roles do goals play in our lives?

We all have goals that matter to us. We all have dreams which are just dreams. You draw a line between a dream and a goal simply by determining what you will give to achieve your goal. Ask yourself this, what rigours are you ready to bear to see your ambition crystallize?

Dreams are intangible phenomenon which can become concrete when you plan your aspirations around them and take determined steps to make them real.

You can make your dreams real

It is you alone that can make any dream you have to come alive. You do this, by taking huge challenges that make you question your natural abilities to actualize them.

Let us consider two goals; the first is that you have a goal of winning a very attractive woman and marrying her but you are not handsome, rich and tall.

While the second goal is to break the Olympic record in 100 meters dash, but you are naturally not well endowed to do this because you lack requisite track and field experience.

In both cases your inadequacies will loom large. But if you have a stubborn hope created by the audacious mentality, you can achieve both goals. How? Your belief gives you the strength to go all out to pursue both goals intelligently.

For the first goal, you will do all within your power to acquire  effective communication skills, learn etiquette and ways of becoming attractive to a woman, learn how to speak with conviction, be able to paint a picture of a preferable future, develop enthusiasm, become charismatic and persist until the lady says yes to your proposals.

In the same vain, an Olympic gold medal hope requires rigorous training coupled with several competitions to prepare you for the race. You must be both mentally and physically prepared, hire a first class coach, practice until you become a local champion, represent your locality, move on to competing in your state, win and qualify to represent your country at the Olympics.   

In both cases, the discipline to stay focused on the end point, demands great resilience in the face of near insurmountable obstacles. Your stubborn faith sets your courage level to a pinnacle where nothing is impossible for you anymore, though most people will see you as presumptuous.

Mental rehearsal

What do you see? If you envisioned success, be rest assured that you will get it because audacity drives you to the point where your determination to achieve the goals you set for yourself, and prove people that believed you bit off more than you could chew wrong.  But more importantly you owe it to yourself to breast that tape.
This unshaken belief is the stubborn spirit. With this spirit your hope can indeed become reality.